


The Lights Fell Down Upon the World

by aurumdalseni (kyo_chan)



Series: There Will Be Better Days [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Lotura - Freeform, Redemption, Season 6 Spoilers, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 06:46:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14971373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyo_chan/pseuds/aurumdalseni
Summary: Forgiveness is not always easy.Thinking that her anger and sense of justice has destroyed anything good she may have felt for Lotor, Allura fights to move on. Yet in her quiet moments after the rift, she can't forget - and she can't forgive herself for leaving him behind.





	The Lights Fell Down Upon the World

**Author's Note:**

> Season 6 has left me with too many feelings to count, and a burning desire to pick up all the pieces. I'm starting with Lotor and Allura, because I love them both and what happened to them broke my heart. Hope you enjoy!  
> Special shout-out to ButteredOnions and Gitwrecked for their support and beta! <3

“Well, this is like deja vu, Princess.”

Allura is ashamed to admit she jumps at the sound of Keith’s voice. She schools her face into her best expression of royal disapproval and offense. “I hope those words don’t mean something terrible on your planet.”

“It just means we’ve done this before.” Keith crosses his arms over the chest plate of his armor and tilts his head, eyes going right to the helmet tucked under her arm, then back up at her face. He quirks an eyebrow. “Going somewhere?”

“Are you?” she fires back.

“Yup.”

This time, there isn’t a sense of shame in his features. Allura knows he’s changed in more than just size and age. There is so much more to him now she would feel more compelled to learn about him, if she didn’t have a more urgent mission on her mind. She inhales deeply, lets it out slowly.

“I’m going back out there. There’s unfinished business.”

“You’re going after Lotor.” It’s not a question.

Allura doesn’t know how to describe the icy hot clench somewhere inside her ribs. It’s anger and guilt and other things she can’t explain — not even to herself, much less anyone else. All she knows is that she can’t leave him out there, at least, she has to try to bring him back. What she’ll do with him after, she doesn’t know.

“If there’s anything worth going after, yes. That’s where I’m going.”

“Me too.”

“What?”

Keith doesn’t bother repeating himself, only motions for her to follow him. As if he expects the indignant response on her tongue, he glances over his shoulder at her. “The Blue Lion isn’t going to like going into that void alone. You’ll probably have a tough time keeping her focused.”

“Are you saying the Black Lion will be any better?”

“I’m saying that the Black Lion has a knack for bending time and space and making the impossible possible. So if we’re going to save Lotor from himself, we should probably take my ride instead of yours.”

/

They aren’t far from where the last battle had been, the nearest planet with breathable air had been closer than anyone expected. A simplistic way of something going right that just doesn’t happen much to any of them lately. Keith breaks free of the earth’s atmosphere, and they slip out into the stars. Allura doesn’t really see them; she trusts the Black Lion and her pilot to get them where they need to go. This mission is preposterous, the very nature of it full of things to go wrong and reasons not to see it through. She acknowledges it’s little different than many of their other missions with more bitterness than she feels comfortable having. Her sense of responsibility and duty to the team are living things, parasites twisting in her gut and feeding off every little tendril of guilt she tries to swallow down. And, like a wicked serenade to everything wrong in her heart, Lotor’s voice plays on a feedback loop in the back of her head. Gentle cadences dissolving into tormented screams that fade into whispers of a better future and start back down the path to madness.

“Princess?”

Ancients, she had felt like nothing could touch her when Lotor addressed her.  _ Princess _ . She trusted him, only to have it wrenched from the memory of gentle touches to leave an aching wound behind.

“ _ Allura _ .”

She blinks, and the Black Lion’s console sways into view. Her hands are shaking. It hadn’t been Lotor’s voice, but Keith’s. She tries to speak but her mouth is full of regret.

“We’re here. What now?”

Allura is suddenly exhausted to the bone. She doesn’t want to make the decisions. Keith is far more patient with her than she remembers. “I-I hadn’t thought that far ahead, to be honest with you,” she admits, braced for the kick back.

“Without the others, we can’t form the sword. You’re going to have to tell me another way into the rift, if you know of one,” he tells her.

These aren’t things she doesn’t already know. She reaches up to rub her face, remembering at the last second that her faceplate is in the way. Her eyes burn as she stares out, finally taking it in. There are no visible signs of the temporal gate, no tears in the sky. The castle had done its job. Another decision she’d made and suffered a loss for it. That’s not helping. Their resources are limited, and she doesn’t know just how much power she has left.

“Tell me,” Allura murmurs. “How did you get to us so fast?”

Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Keith’s hand tighten on the thruster. “I pushed my connection to the Black Lion.” Black rumbles as if in agreement. “She was able to fly faster than I’ve ever felt her before. But I don’t…know if I can do that twice.”

Allura knows what he’s not saying. “You’re going to have to if we ever hope to make it in. She’s the only one who can do this, and I’ll help her as best I can.”

Keith turns in his seat to look at her. “The only one, huh? How were you planning to do this in the Blue Lion then? With nobody else to help you if something went wrong?”

“I don’t know!” She drops her head into one hand, the other clenched on the armrest. “What else was I supposed to do? We  _ left  _ him out there! And I still haven’t convinced myself that he doesn’t deserve it after all he’s put us through! How was I to ask any of you, whose lives are always on the line at my command, to do something so crazy as to go after a murderer?”

“Why are you going after him?”

“Because I—!”

She chokes.

The Black Lion roars loudly, drowning out the sob that couldn’t become words. The tears fall without Allura’s permission.

“I’ll try.”

Something in Keith’s voice tells Allura that somehow he knows. Of  _ course _ he knows. Better than anyone else.

/

At first, Lotor’s defender is nowhere to be found, lost to all the white-hot quintessence. Black’s idling rumble grows steadily louder; Allura knows they don’t have much time. Keith keeps a steady grip on the thrusters, pushing the Lion further and harder into the rift. There’s a steady beep from the controls that keeps gaining speed the longer they’re in there. She feels like they’ll never get anywhere by relying on their eyes and Black’s sensors.

“Allura…?” Keith presses.

“I know, Keith. I know. I have to—just…hold your position as long as you can.”

Dubious, Keith pulls back, but he doesn’t question her. It’s just as well. She can’t explain it even if she wants to.

Allura squeezes her eyes shut and forces herself to focus. As much as she desired to burn the memory of the sincline ships out of her very being, those connections are still there. They’ve followed her into this rift before, they  _ know  _ her. If there’s anything left to call to, she’ll find it. Wrapped up in the danger of flying into the void remains the memory of joy and pride, fondness and a bond difficult to sever. Whatever Lotor’s intentions had been, she had forged those ties with an abounding love for what she thought they had shared. All the history, all the knowledge, all the promise of rebuilding everything they had lost under protection of peace. Her life and her power pulsed in those ships as well. He may have deceived her, but she hadn’t deceived them — him or the ships. They all had a piece of her heart.

She uses that to call them home.

_ I know you must be hurting. This place is not meant for us; it never was. Please, if you’re out there, come back to me. _

Allura waits, feeling stretched thin across the white noise of the rift. Black’s rumbling is more like growling now, insisting that they be done soon.  _ Please, just a little longer, I— _

“A-Allura! It’s here!”

Her eyes snap open as Keith jerks the thrusters back, and Black rears up, ready. Lotor’s defender hovers in front of them, but she knows it’s not there to attack.

“Hold your fire! Get me to the main access panel as quickly as you can! The Black Lion has to get out of here!”

“You’re not thinking of going in that thing, are you?”

Keith stares incredulously at her, and she can hardly blame him. She nods once, resolute. One way or another, they’re leaving this void, and she’s the one that will make sure it happens. “It’s the only way. Once I’m on board and the systems are operational again, take the Black Lion out exactly the way you came in.” She reaches out and touches the dashboard next to the bayard keyhole affectionately. “You’ve got one more jump in you, don’t you, old friend.”

The surly rumble is all she needs. “Keith,  _ go _ .”

/

Allura is allowed to board; it takes little more than a push against the connection again. It surprises her, and while she fears a trap is being laid for her yet again, she doesn’t let it deter her. The Black Lion hovers close, Keith unwilling to pull back. She can only hope he’ll do it when the time comes. They’re all at the rift’s mercy, and she can feel it pressing past her physical form, trying to eat its way into her skin to get to the core of her and light her up. The sensation of it gnawing at her paralyzes her in a moment of absolute terror. She can’t tell if it’s residual from the sincline ships, her connection to the Black Lion or something else entirely, but she’s stricken with the heartbreaking realization that this is how it must have felt. For Honerva and Zarkon, for Lotor. And the most horrifying thing of it all is the visceral need to let it happen, as if by daring to be here, she’s admitted that she wants to be consumed.

“Hang in there, Allura. You can do this.”

Keith’s voice is scratchy, their communicators under pressure, trying to crack.

“Thank you,” she whispers. There had been no way to mask her fear. He and the Black Lion respond to it with their presence. They won’t abandon her to this.

She clambers through the short hallway and ramp up to the cockpit doors. These don’t respond to her the way the hatch did. All around her, the ships are groaning under the strain. Very well. She digs her fingertips into the seam of the doors and pushes with all her might until they creak open under her strength.

“Lotor!” she demands. “If you can hear me, answer me!”

Nothing.

A few steps in, and she sees why. He’s tumbled out of the pilot’s seat, a heap of armor and tangled white hair. The air seems thicker in here, sick and heavy. She wants to touch him, to see if he’s still breathing, to know if he’s still alive, but she can’t. Not yet. Swallowing down bile, she throws herself into the pilot seat and reaches not only for the controls, but for the core where the ships have become one.  _ I can lead you to safety, but you must trust me. We’ve been through so much together, we’ve done something few could have ever hoped. And if you truly mean to defend the universe, then you need to let me guide you. Please. _

“Allura! Princess, I have to leave now! The Black Lion’s systems are overloading!” The fear she’d felt in the hold is wrapped tightly around Keith’s desperate words.

“I know, I’ve got it from here, Keith. Go back.”

“You said when the systems were—”

“ _ Go! That is an order, Paladin! _ ”

The Black Lion pulls back as if it’s just as startled as Keith must be. She can’t see his face through the Lion’s eyes, but she knows. She wouldn’t want to leave either. But he gives in, and Black spreads her wings. In a burst of black and blue, they’re gone and Allura is left alone.

“I won’t let you make a liar out of me too.” She grasps the thrusters and takes in a deep breath. “We’re going home.  _ Now _ !”

Engines catch, the defender moans to life, moving as if it’s in slow motion, but it’s  _ moving _ . At her feet, Lotor doesn’t even stir. Allura doesn’t realize she’s been holding her breath, waiting for another betrayal, one more surprise to turn the knife. But all she can feel in this void is the ship and herself, and a burning need to return to what’s left of her home. It’s the same passion that’s been bled into every nook and cranny of the ships that make up this defender, and it blazes wide awake. Limbs stretch, everything recalibrates. The hub of it is the center of her heart. Allura fires up the thrusters and prays to the Ancients it will be enough.

/

They’re all waiting on the ground when she breaks atmo on planetside, all except for Shiro. Allura can’t say she’s surprised. This will be no easy thing to explain to them, and she can already feel the exhaustion licking at her being again. The urge to curl up right where she’s sitting hits her so strongly, she almost forgets to land. But when the defender’s feet meet the ground, she sits panting heavily, forcibly trying to pry her fingers from around the grips so she can shake them out. They’re numb despite holding on so tight. As much as she tries to calm herself back down to disembark and face them, it only gets worse.

“Allura?!” Lance’s voice sounds like it’s coming from the end of a long tunnel, or the other side of a teludav. A wormhole jump that’s left her stability on one side of the universe and the absolute wreck she is here. “Allura, say something!”

Her hand smacks the side of the helmet, and static fizzles out on Keith saying, “Give her a minute, okay?”

She rips the helmet off and throws it to the other side of the cockpit. The sound of it hitting the wall makes her jump and everything breaks inside of her. Allura slides out of the chair until she’s slumped over Lotor’s unmoving form. Her fingers twist into his hair as she presses her face into his shoulder and screams, tears running down her face. She hates him — no, she hates what he’s made her feel. She hates what they’ve come to stand for, what they’ve hungered for. It’s all a lie. All of the quintessence in the world isn’t going to bring back what they once loved. It’s only going to burn away more of them until nothing is left but the hunger. Allura had  _ known _ and yet she still believed. She wanted the world Lotor promised her, and what destroys her even more is that she still  _ does _ .

She wants it with him.

Allura screams until there’s nothing left of her voice, trying to drown out the nightmarish remnants of the rift’s white noise. She’s still crying when everything goes black.

/

_ Allura… _

_ I couldn’t have done it without you, princess… _

_ Princess… _

“Allura?”

“Lotor!”

Allura bolts upright, and the force of her own movement makes her dizzy and nauseous. Her hand flies to her mouth while she swallows over and over. Her head swivels to the source of her name, and it’s not Lotor. Her free hand clenches in… she looks down to see a pool of blankets in her lap and not the white hair she remembers in the moments leading up to this. A pair of hands reaches out to cover hers in the linens.

“Sorry,” Keith tells her. “It’s just me.”

Uncovering her mouth, Allura tries a couple of times to speak and finally croaks out Keith’s name instead. She should apologize, she should get up, she—

“Take it easy. You need to rest. Here.”

He offers her a ration flask, and she takes it from him, sipping delicately at it. Her stomach is still churning. Her throat hurts so badly and sleep is trying to pull back down at her, grasping at her with shadowy fingers. Allura fights it, squaring her shoulders and searching for a brave front out of a tattered facade. Everything feels too heavy, too warm, too cold. She shivers and swallows, trying to find her voice again.

Keith answers the question she can’t ask yet. “He’s here. Down in the Blue Lion’s bay. Krolia and Coran are with him. They’re using the stasis pod I was…the one I brought with me to the planet. So…he’s alive. But that’s all we know.”

Allura’s glad she hadn’t needed to ask. She hands the flask back and draws her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly. The press against her ribcage doesn’t feel any worse from the outside than the tremendous ache within them.

“Do you want me to go?” Keith asks.

“You won’t want to be apart from Shiro for too long.” She doesn’t even recognize her own voice.

Keith frowns, uncomfortable but stubborn. “That’s not what I asked you. Shiro is resting, so I can stay here a little longer, if you want.”

Allura doesn’t say she wants it, but she doesn’t dismiss him either. A quick glance around confirms they’re in Blue’s cockpit; he’d let her hair down and wrapped her up in the bedding she’d set out before slipping out to contemplate going back for Lotor.

“What if I’ve made a terrible mistake?”

“Then we’ll deal with it,” Keith tells her. “You did what you felt was right. Not everyone is going to agree with it or get it, but they don’t have to.”

“Yes, they do, Keith. I don’t want their trust in me shaken too. The universe needs us to be of one mind more than ever,” she says desperately. “But I couldn’t— Keith, I couldn’t!”

Allura hides her face, curling tighter in on herself. She’s never felt so broken before, not even after waking up to the world after Altea had been destroyed. This truly felt like the very bottom, and she had not the strength to pull herself to her own two feet, much less climb back up to the top.

“Hey.”

Keith’s arms around her feel awkward, but he holds her close. She fits against him much easier than she would have two years ago. Two years ago, she might not have even given him the chance to hold her, but right now, she can’t bear to pull away.

“I can’t tell you it’s gonna be all right,” Keith murmurs against her hair. “But I know how it feels. Whatever happens, not a single bit of this was for nothing. If anyone else has a problem with it, they’ll eventually come around. We’re a team, a family, and if nothing else, our bonds through the Lions will make sure we know the truth. I don’t think Black would have let us go there if there wasn’t something worth saving.”

Allura lays with her head against Keith’s chest, letting everything sink in. “Thank you, Keith. I…would never have been able to do that alone.”

“You don’t have to do anything alone. I had to learn that too, and trust it. It’s hard, but…”

Slowly, Allura’s arms unwind from her legs so she can wrap them around Keith’s shoulders. She’s all out of tears to cry, but her catharsis is in his understanding of her heart, how many pieces it’s in.

“Will you stay with me a little longer?”

“I won’t leave you,” he promises.

Through the ache, it’s something she can actually believe in.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream about Lotura and Voltron with me over at my [tumblr](http://paladinpuppypile.tumblr.com)!


End file.
